A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first guy answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!“
The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is his side profile.“
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?“
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!“
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing, because it’s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?“
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, “Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.“
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
“That’s easy…” the third guy replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.“
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what’s up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every ten seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto to the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while…”
Billy says, “I’m fine, Mommy…I just haven’t gone ‘doody’ yet.“
Mother says, “ Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?“
Billy says, “ Works for ketchup.“
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use as his house.
He took the box back home, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.
So he knocked on the box and asked the centipede, “Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time.”
But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to church with me and receiving blessings?”
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. Finally, the guy decided to give the centipede one last chance.
This time he put his face right up against his pet’s house and shouted, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Church with me and learn about God?”
This time, a rather annoyed little voice came out of the box,
“I heard you the first time! I’m putting my shoes on.”
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