A man died and went to Heaven. St Peter says to him “Before you meet with God, I should tell you, we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?”
The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, “Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a little old lady who was being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip. Well, I tore the ring out of his lip, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering this lady or they would have to deal with me!”
“Wow that’s impressive. When did this happen?”
“About three minutes ago,” came the reply.
Two drunken Irishmen in a graveyard. Paddy starts reading the gravestones.
“Mick” he says, “Would you look at this, a feller here who was 90 when he died!“
“Who’s that?” says Mick.
“Somebody called O’Toole from Kerry,” he replies.
Mick says, “Never mind him, there’s a feller here called Murphy, was 99 when he died! From Castletown of all places!“
“Well that’s nothing!” says Paddy.
“What about what written on this feller’s stone, here right beside the gate!“
“The stone says 147!“
“147? thats amazing!“ says Mick.
“Who was he?“
“Well according to the stone, its somebody called Miles from Dublin…!“
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