She became engaged to a handsome foreigner. He was a nobleman in his own country. One day she told him how she had to fight to love him.
“My father,” she said, “is always saying that he would give a thousand dollars if I never do see you again.”
The nobleman jumped to his feet and cried, “Is he is in his office now?”
——–
She said, “I can’t help it if I’m not perfect. There’s only been one perfect little girl.“
Her Mother, “Oh, and who was that?“
She, “You, mummy, when you were little.“
——–
The prisoner was not professionally represented. Before proceeding with the case, the Judge said, “This is a very serious offence you are charged with. If you are convicted it means a long term of imprisonment. Have you no counsel to look after your defense?“
The prisoner in the most confidential manner leaned toward the judge and replied, “No, your honor, I have no counsel, but I do have some very good friends on the jury.“
——–
The motorist had just been stopped by a policeman.
“But this is preposterous,” he said. “I’m an experienced driver. What I know about driving would fill a book.“
“Maybe, sir,” calmly retorted the Policemen, “but what you don’t know would fill a hospital. Name and address, please.“
——–
A Scotsman and a Jew were brought before the Magistrate charged with drunkenness.
The Magistrate looked at them intently for a time, and then asked, “Where is the other man?“

