Jokes of Dogs and a Luring Young Woman

There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime.

After three of their neighbours houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.

So the young wife went to the pet store and said, “I need a good guard dog.”

The clerk replied, “Sorry, we’re all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does know karate“.

The wife didn’t believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, “Karate that chair.”

The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces.

Then he said to the dog, “Karate that table.”

The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.

So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat sceptical about the Scottie dog’s abilities as a guard dog.

When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, “Karate my ass.”

To this very day, he is still in the hospital…..

Hope you enjoyed that joke, here is another …

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.”

“Good!” said God. “Sit at my right side.”

“Doberman, what do you believe in?” asked God.

The doberman answered, “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.”

“Aha,” said God, “you may sit to my left.”

Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?”

The cat replied, “I believe you are sitting in my seat.”

Hope you enjoyed that joke, here is another …

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful young woman swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Man: “Hi! I am so happy to see you.”

Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here a long time. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

Man: “It’s been 10 years!”

With this information, the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: “Thank you so much!”

Girl: “So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?”

Man: “It’s been 10 years!”

The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whisky and gives the man a drink.

Man: “Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!”

Girl (starting to slowly unzip the front of her wet suit): “So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?“

Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there, too!”

Funny Jokes at a Bakery and More

A bakery owner hires a young female assistant who liked to wear very short skirts and thongs.

One day a young man enters the store, glances at the assistant and at the loaves of bread behind the counter.

Noticing her short skirt and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

“I’d like some raisin bread please,” the man says.

The assistant nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread located on the top shelf.

The man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view.

When she descends the ladder, he decides that he had better get two loaves.

As she retrieves the second loaf

One of the other male customers notices what’s going on and requests his own loaf of raisin bread.

After many trips she is tired and irritated and begins to wonder,

“Why the unusual interest in the bread?“

Atop the ladder one more time, she looks down and glares at the men standing below.

Then, she notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd.

Thinking that she can save herself another trip,

She yells at the elderly man, “Is it raisin for you too?”

“No,” he stammers, “But it’s quivering a little.”

A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman’s biggest fear was there was no heaven.

After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact.

“Mary… Mary…”

“Is that you Fred?“

“Yes, I have come back like we agreed.“

“What is it like?“

“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again.”

“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.“

“Not quite, I’m a rabbit in Kansas.”

Jokes of when You want Your Way.

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They thought it might have something to do with the transmission, so they couldn’t repair it while he waited. He told the mechanics that he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem ― how to carry his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a lovely widow who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?” The farmer replied “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested “Why don’t you do this? Put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand.”

“Why, thank you very much, that works just fine!” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way, he said “Let’s take my usual shortcut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me … How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t have your way with me?”

The farmer said with some irritation “Holy smokes, lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I do that?”

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint can on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.

Funny Stuff is just silly good Fun

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