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A WOMAN RAN A RED TRAFFIC LIGHT and crashed into a man’s car. Both of their cars are demolished, but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said; “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but, fortunately, we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”

The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!”

The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year-old scotch didn’t break. Surely, God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.”

Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, and drank half the bottle. He then handed it back to the woman.

The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.

The man asked “Aren’t you having any?”

She replied “Nah, I THINK I’LL JUST WAIT FOR THE POLICE”

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Hope you enjoyed that joke, here is another ….

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One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.

On the way there, he tells his driver who looks a bit like him, “I’m sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!”

The driver agrees, “You’re right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don’t know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place.”

“That’s a great idea!” says Einstein. “Let’s switch places then!”

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, sits in the audience.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won’t be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says, “Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I’m going to let my driver reply to it for me.”

More Jokes soon……..

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John decided to go golfing in Scotland with his buddy, Keith, so they loaded up John’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard, so they pulled into a nearby farm…

…and asked the attractive lady who answered the door, if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed.” she explained. “And I’m afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.“

“Don’t worry.” John said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.“

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way and enjoyed a great weekend of golf.

But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the golf weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, “Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our golf holiday in Scotland about 9 months ago?“

“Yes, I do.” said Keith.

“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?“

“Well, um, yes!” Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out, “I have to admit that I did.“

“And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?“

Keith’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did. Why do you ask?”

John replied, “Well, she just died and left me everything.“

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Hope you enjoyed that joke, here is another ….

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A couple of Oldies are sitting at the breakfast table on their 50th Wedding Anniversary reminiscing over the past half a ton they’d spent together. The old woman says to the bloke “You know what dear? We were probably sitting here 50 years ago doing exactly the same thing, only difference is we were naked at the time.“

So, he looks at her , she looks at him, next thing you know they’re both stripped off naked like they were 50 years prior.

She says to him, “You know what? My nipples are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago.“

He replies, “Yeah? That’s because one’s in the tea-pot and the other is in your bowl of porridge!!”

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