Funny Story about Nude Women in a Pond.

A man had owned a large farm in Louisiana for many years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!”

The old man frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator…‘

Still Hot for Him! – (Joke for Your Day)

A couple of Oldies are sitting at the breakfast table on their 50th Wedding Anniversary reminiscing over the past half a ton they’d spent together.

The old woman says to the bloke “You know what dear? We were probably sitting here 50 years ago doing exactly the same thing, only difference is we were naked at the time.“

So, he looks at her, she looks at him, next thing you know they’re both stripped off naked like they were 50 years prior.

She says to him, “You know what? My nipples are as hot for you now as they were 50 years ago.“

He replies, “Yeah? That’s because one’s in the tea-pot and the other is in your bowl of porridge!!”

Dad ringing home (Joke for Your Day)

A little girl answers the phone: “Hello.”

He says,  “Hi honey, this is Daddy.  Is Mummy near the phone?”

She replies,  “No Daddy.  She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

After brief pause, Daddy says, “But honey you don’t have an Uncle Paul.”

She replies,  “Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mummy right now.”

After a brief pause, he says, “Uh, OK then, I want you to put the phone down and run upstairs, and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mummy that Daddy’s car just pulled up.”

She says, “OK Daddy, just a minute.”

A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone, and says, “I did it Daddy.”

He asks, “and what happened honey?”

She replied, “Well Mummy got scared, jumped out of bed naked and ran around screaming, then tripped on the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she’s not moving at all.”

He exclaims, “Oh my gosh!  What about Uncle Paul?”

She says, “He leapt out of bed and jumped outta the back window into the pool.  But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water last week to clean it.  He hit the bottom of it and I think he’s dead!”

There is a really long pause.

Then Daddy says, “Swimming pool?  Is this 486-5732?”

The little girl replies, “No, I think you have the wrong number!”

Fascinating Random Facts #111

These are some more Amazing and Interesting Random Facts from our world that you may not be aware of, that it is hoped will fascinate and surprise you.

There’s a fruit that tastes like chocolate pudding.
Can we get in on this? Apparently, there’s a fruit native to Central and South America called blacksapote that tastes like chocolate and sweet custard.

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You can hear a Blue Whale’s heartbeat from over 2 miles away.
Blue whales weigh an average of between 130,000 and 150,000kg, with their heart’s weighing roughly 180kg.

The last letter added to the English alphabet was ‘J’.
The letter dates backto 1524, and before that the letter ‘i’ was used for both the ‘i’ and ‘j’ sounds.

There is actually a word for someone giving an opinion on something they know nothing about. An ‘ultracrepidarian‘ is someone who voices thoughts beyond their expertise.

The Chupa Chups logo was designed by Salvador Dalí.
The surrealist artist designed the logo in 1969.

Ketchup was once sold as medicine. The condiment was prescribed and sold to people suffering with indigestion back in 1834.

The world’s longest walking distance is 14,000 miles.
You can walk from Magadan in Russia to Cape Town in South Africa. It requires no flying or sailing, just bridges and open roads.

The moon has moonquakes.
They happen due to tidal stresses connected to the distance between the moon and
the Earth.

Everyone’s tongue print is different.
Like the fingerprint, it has unique features that differ from person to person.

You can’t hum if you hold your nose.
Hands up if you just tried it!

Riddles to Challenge Your Day

Who doesn’t love brain teasers and challenging riddles? Riddles can range from simple and easy to solve, to serious brain-busters. Some of these might take some big-time brain power to solve, but it sure feels great when you do.

If you think you’re already a pro at solving tricky riddles, put yourself to the test with these and find out!

Riddle: I speak without a mouth and hear without ears. I have no body, but come alive with wind. What am I?

Answer: An echo.

Riddle: What tastes better than it smells?

Answer: A Tongue

Riddle: Before Mt Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest, it just wasn’t discovered yet.

Riddle: You cannot keep this until you have given it. What is it?

Answer: A Promise.

Riddle: What sounds like a sneeze and is made out of leather?

Answer: A Shoe.

Riddle: The maker doesn’t want it, the buyer doesn’t use it and the user doesn’t see it. What is it?

Answer: A Coffin.

Riddle: What gets bigger, the more you take away from it?

Answer: A Hole.

Riddle: You measure my life in hours and I serve you by expiring. I’m quick when I’m thin and slow when I’m fat. The wind is my enemy. What am I?

Answer: A Candle.

Fascinating Random Facts #110

Here are some Amazing and Interesting Random Facts from our world that you may not be aware of, that it is hoped will fascinate and surprise you.

Avocados are a fruit, not a vegetable. They’re technically considered a single-seeded berry, believe it or not.

The Eiffel Tower can be 15 cm taller during the summer, due to thermal expansion meaning the iron heats up, the particles gain kinetic energy and take up more space.

Allodoxaphobia is the fear of other people’s opinions.
It’s a rare socialphobia that’s characterised by an irrational and overwhelming fear of what other people think.

Australia is wider than the moon.
The moon sits at 3400km in diameter, while Australia’s diameter from east to west is almost 4000km.

‘Mellifluous’ is a sound that is pleasingly smooth and musical to hear.

Human teeth are the only part of the body that cannot heal themselves.
Teeth are coated in enamel which is not a living tissue.

The Ancient Romans used to drop a piece of toast into their wine for good health. Hence that is why we ‘raise a toast’.

Studies reveal that People are more creative in the shower.
When we take a warm shower, we experience an increased dopamine flow that makes us more creative.

Competitive art used to be an Olympic sport.
Between 1912 and 1948, the international sporting events awarded medals for music, painting, sculpture and architecture. Shame it didn’t catch on, the famous pottery scene in Ghost could have won an Olympic medal as well as an Academy Award for the best screenplay.

The Japanese word ‘Kuchi zamishi’ is the act of eating when you’re not hungry because your mouth is lonely.
We do this all the time.

Upset wife, Dogs and Ladders – (Jokes for your Day)

She was in court seeking a divorce due to something that had become apparent one morning, and she was on the stand ready for questioning.

The Attorney asked, “What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?“

She, “He said to me, “Where am I, Cathy?“”

Attorney, “And why did that upset you?“

She, “My name is Susan!”

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat, and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat between them.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why it was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a federal agent, and that the dog was a “drug-sniffing dog.” He went on, “His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.“

The plane took off, and once it leveled out, the agent said “Watch this.” He told Sniffer to “search“.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent’s arm.

The agent said, “Good boy!“, turned to the man and said, “That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.”

“Say, that’s pretty neat,” replied the first man.

Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to his seat, and placed two paws on the agent’s arm. The agent said, “That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.”

“I like it!” said his seat mate.

The agent then told Sniffer to “search” again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and pooped all over the place.

The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would act like that.

He asked the agent, “What’s going on?“

The agent nervously replied, “He just found a bomb!“

I was working in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital.

While trying to calm myself down, I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures and be in lots of pain, but he was alright except for some minor cuts.

When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, “Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder.”

When You want Your Way – (Joke for your Day).

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic’s shop to have his truck fixed. They thought it might have something to do with the transmission, so they couldn’t repair it while he waited. He told the mechanics that he didn’t live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a lovely widow who told him she was lost. She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?”

The farmer replied “Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can’t carry this lot.”

The old lady suggested “Why don’t you do this? Put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand.“

“Why, thank you very much, that works just fine!” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way, he said “Let’s take my usual shortcut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.“

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me … How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t have your way with me?”

The farmer said with some irritation, “Holy smokes, lady! I’m carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I do that?“

The old lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint can on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

The Napoleonic Hoax – A true brief tale. Free online.

Bartholomew Lane, in London’s financial district, is where travellers can visit the Bank of England Museum. But the short thoroughfare was once home to the London Stock Exchange, the scene of an 1814 hoax that was as audacious as it was profitable. In February of that year, British Lord Thomas Cochrane and accomplice Captain de Berenger sparked bedlam on England’s financial markets.

Their scam began when de Berenger donned a military costume and told people in Dover, England, he’d arrived from Paris.  He said Emperor Napoleon had just been killed, and France was about to be defeated by the Allies, a group of European nations including Great Britain.

The good news spread swiftly.  When London’s stock exchange opened the next day, trading boomed.  In anticipation of this, Cochrane had stockpiled government bonds, which he immediately sold at a great margin.

Soon, however, Napoleon was proven to be alive, and the financial fraud was exposed.  Cochrane was tried, and he attempted, unsuccessfully, to shift blame to de Berenger.  He was found guilty and then fled England, leaving a brazen stain on Bartholomew Lane.

The Satirical sketch below was published in the newspapers about the Hoax.

A New Player on the Golf Team – (Joke for your Day)

A group of men lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One got transferred to another city, and from then onwards their games weren’t the same without him.

A new woman had recently joined their Club. She overheard the three blokes talking about the situation. She said, “You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?“

The blokes looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say, ‘Yes’, but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early, at 6:30a.m. He figured the early tee-off time would discourage her. The woman replied that it could present a problem and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said that would be okay. She smiled and said, “Good, I’ll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.“

She showed up at 6:30 sharp and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. They were impressed and congratulated her. She was fun and a pleasant person, so back at the clubhouse they invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, “I’ll be there either at 6:30 or 6:45.”

The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp but this time she played left-handed. They were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand.

They couldn’t figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn’t seem to be purposely showing them up. They invited her back again, but each man harboured a burning desire to beat her. The third week, the blokes had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played right-handed, yet narrowly beat all three of them.

The men mused that her late arrival was attributable to petty gamesmanship on her part, however, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn’t hold a grudge.

Back in the clubhouse, all blokes were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no-one could figure out. They had a couple of beers. Finally one of the men asked her point blank, “How do you decide if you’re going to golf right-handed or left-handed?“

The lady blushed and grinned. “That’s easy,” she said, “When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed.“

The men thought this was hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of them shot back, “But what if it’s pointing straight up?”

She said, “That’s when I’ll be fifteen minutes late.”

The Great “Life on the Moon” Hoax of 1835 – A brief report, free online.

Human type life forms and a variety of animals had been discovered on the Moon, it was claimed in the New York Sun newspaper of August 21st, 1835, when it published a series of sensational articles claiming that astronomer Sir John Herschel had discovered life on the moon.  The articles described fantastical scenes observed through a powerful new telescope, including lush landscapes, unicorns, bipedal beavers, and bat-like humanoids called “Vespertilio-homo.”  The detailed and imaginative descriptions captivated readers and sparked widespread excitement and curiosity.

The series, known as the Great Moon Hoax, was entirely fabricated by journalist Richard Adams Locke. The purpose of the hoax was to increase newspaper sales and satirize both the gullibility of the public and the speculative nature of contemporary scientific writing. The articles included elaborate illustrations and scientific jargon to lend credibility to the fictitious discoveries.

Despite the implausibility of the claims, the public eagerly embraced the stories, and the New York Sun enjoyed a significant boost in circulation. It took several weeks before the hoax was exposed, but by then, the newspaper had solidified its reputation and readership.

The Great Moon Hoax is one of the earliest examples of “fake news” and highlights the power of media to shape public perception and stir imagination. It also serves as a cautionary tale about the importance of critical thinking and skepticism in the face of sensational claims.

Images of the fake moon and inhabitants.

Exploding Whale – Pieces fall on spectators – True Report

On November 9th of 1970, a 45-foot sperm whale washed ashore in Florence, Oregon, U.S.A. Officials, after considering the problem, decided to dispose of the carcass using dynamite, thinking the explosion would disintegrate the whale into small pieces for scavengers to consume. However, the blast sent massive chunks of blubber flying, damaging cars and buildings. This bizarre incident has since become a legendary example of how not to deal with beached whales.

The whale’s decomposition posed a significant health hazard and the local authorities were at a loss for an effective solution. The Oregon Highway Division, responsible for beach maintenance, took charge. George Thornton, an engineer with the division, was tasked with the unusual problem. After consulting with the U.S. Navy, the decision was made to use half a ton of dynamite to blast the whale apart. The expectation was that the small pieces would be consumed by seagulls and other scavengers.

On November 12, 1970, crowds gathered to watch the spectacle. However, the explosion did not go as planned. The detonation launched large chunks of blubber into the air, raining down on the spectators and causing significant damage to nearby property, including flattening a car over a quarter-mile away. The area was left with more cleanup work than before, and the stench of decomposing whale lingered. News footage, by KATU-TV of Portland, Oregon, of the event went viral in its time and resurfaces periodically, reminding everyone of this unusual and ill-fated decision. The Exploding Whale incident remains a quirky historical footnote, illustrating how even the best-laid plans can go disastrously wrong.

Florence now celebrates Exploding Whale Day annually at Exploding Whale Memorial Park. In 2024, the public was invited to build an altar for the exploded whale.

This is an image of the Whale on the beach

Drowning in a Beer Vat – A true report!

There are jokes about people drowning in a vat of beer, but unfortunately it has happened, which maybe is where the idea for a joke was formed to help make light of the situation.

Here is a newspaper report of such an incident.

DROWNED IN A BEER VAT.

(1897 August Monday 2nd, Argus newspaper – Melbourne, Australia)

  A shocking case of drowning occurred at the Castlemaine Brewery on Saturday morning (July 31st 1897), an elderly man named Joseph Hartley being the victim.   Hartley was a night workman and as such had to supervise the vats of beer which had been brewed during the day.  At 3 o’clock in the morning he was seen by some companions busying himself with his duties.  An hour later he was discovered floating in a gigantic vat of beer.  Two workmen, named Craven and Shadwick pulled him out, but he was dead, and his body was soon afterwards removed to the Morgue.  It is supposed that the deceased became dizzy whilst leaning over the vat in the course of his duties and fell headforemost into the liquor.  He was a steady sober man, generally in excellent health, and had been 12 years employed at the brewery.  He was 68 years of age and married, and lived at Park place, South Melbourne.   The vat was 10ft in diameter, and 10ft deep, and it contained beer valued at £140.  During the afternoon of Saturday the whole of the liquid was run off down the street channels, under the supervision and in the presence of a Customs officer.

This is the actual newspaper item:

Accident on the Golf Course (Joke for your Day)

While golfing, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

A very attractive lady golfer, who lived in a villa on the edge of the golf course, heard the noise and called out from her porch, “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay, thanks,” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

She said, “Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I’ll help you get the cart up later.”

I noticed she had nice svelte figure.

“That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.”

“Oh, come on now “, she insisted.

She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive. And I was weak.

“Well okay,” I finally agreed, “But I’m sure my wife won’t like it.”

After a couple of Scotches, I thanked her and said, “I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d better go now.”

“Don’t be silly!” she said with a smile . “Stay for a while. She won’t know anything.. By the way.., where is she?“

I replied, “Still under the cart..!”

Funny Stuff for Laughs

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Funny Stuff for Laughs

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